Relationships

Relationships

What Comes to my Mind when I Think of Marriage

August 21, 2017
marriage

Well, I see everyday people get married, they seem happy really happy and I get excited for them… I think of how happy they are and I smile because it feels great, I mean this whole thing of marriage just excites me to the extent of praying for every newly wedded couple and wish my best to them.

At this point, my mind thinks of every happy thing for the two couple who now become one person! I mean imagine this possibility of two people becoming one, for better or worse, for health and for sickness…together till death do us apart! If this doesn’t excite you perhaps you should think again!

Imagine two different individuals, from different background and different culture, well sometimes different beliefs living under the same roof! This has to be one of the toughest decisions there is, but worth it.

Leaving your family behind and starting to build a whole new family with a total stranger, whom you have known for maybe a year or 2, five sometimes or 10 and in some cases 6 months! It is such a noble thing if you think about it.

Remember your sister or brother whom you have known your whole life and you couldn’t put up with sometimes, s/he drove you crazy at some point and you thought of all possible bad things you could do to them but in the end you couldn’t do it because you love them too much and they make life all much better.

marriage

I think like your family, your sister and your brother, your mother, and your father… how you put up with their flaws and how they put up with yours (you can’t say you are any perfect) it will be the same with your other half (maybe a little different) but both of you will have to learn how to accept each other, love each other, celebrate the similarities you both have and of course respect the differences, after all these are what make all of us who we are!

As noble as this institution sounds, there are things you should really take into consideration before you decide to sign up for it!

Choosing the perfect imperfect person for you is quite important of all; choose the wrong person you are definitely going to end up in hell. Or if you sign up for this institution for the wrong reasons, you will end up at the same destination, hell!

Ask yourself, what are your reasons to want to be part of this institution, are they strong enough to help you create a beautiful and a happy family? Are you happy enough to share it with someone else? Do you love yourself enough to love another person for the rest of your life? Are you ready to build something greater than yourself?

Marriage is a beautiful thing, waking up with the same person every morning, loving the same person over and over; growing together, building a beautiful future together, annoy the same person as many times as possible and still find ways to have fun with them, who wouldn’t want this?

Do you want a long lasting relationship? read here. 🙂

It is only in the marriage where you can be who you are without being worried about what that person will think of you, in this institution you won’t have to hide your flaws or imperfections and pretend to be somebody you are not, you won’t be judged! After all isn’t this what you both signed up for? For better or for worse?

marriage

Remember your vows; to love each other, respect each other, encourage each other, comfort each other, accept each other, understand and listen, help each other grow to better people and most importantly learn how to truly forgive and forget.

Marriage gives you a chance to be many things at the same time! You can be childish at some point, sometimes you are that stubborn teenager, other times you are that total responsible adult! You are a mother, father, a friend, a daughter, a son; well you are many things in one person!

So, what comes to my mind when I think of marriage, you ask? Well, many things come to my mind, but most times come; love, happiness, forgiveness, understanding, listening, presence and togetherness.

When I think of marriage, I think of two brave people who have decided to choose to love one person every single day, to forgive, to comfort and to build a family with love.

Marriage is a gift to grow and create!

JS 🙂

Relationships

Long lasting Relationship | My Two Tips

July 14, 2017
relationship

Hey loves, thank you for joining me on this talk today…. 🙂 How you all doing? Without any further due, get a seat and let’s get started… (Clearing my throat)

So, there have been a lot of articles, programs, movies talking about relationships! It may either be friendship, family, working relationship or intimacy relationships, just to mention a few.

Well, forget about those other relationships let’s focus on the intimacy relationship, (yap, you guessed right). This is the most challenging one comparing to other relationships. Love is one among the basic need of human being, every human needs to feel affection and belongingness.

There are many breakups and divorces today comparing to thirty years ago, hell, even five years ago! I think this generation has forgotten the importance of amending the broken things. Throwing it or giving up is not an option if you want something to work! (Correct me if am long)

Nobody is perfect, not even you! So, with my little experience on the topic, (read more of the similar topic here) I found the following to be quite useful:

Communication
Communication is the most important thing to consider in having a long lasting relationship. I can’t stress enough the importance of this!

People in relationships don’t usually say what they mean and don’t mean what they say! You have to learn how to communicate your needs politely and straight to the point. I know can be pretty hard for women (me, at least).

I struggled so much to mean what I say especially when I don’t like something, I learned it the hard way. Whenever I was angry my answer to everything was “ok” and nothing seemed to work my way with that habit.

Tell you what now I have changed how I communicate my feelings and everything else, I am honesty and open with what I feel, what I like/dislike and the like. I will admit things seem to work fine now.
It is not possible that everything done by your partner will please you! (Unless s/he is an angel) There are probably things you don’t like from your partner.

It is not about keeping them inside hoping he/she is going to stop them! Instead find better time and place to talk about it.

Talk to him/her calmly and she/he will understand and stop them. And also don’t hide things from your partner; be open to everything that you are doing. Don’t do things behind your partner that will hurt him or her probably he/she will not forgive you.

relationship

Trust and honest
Relationship is about being trustworthy and honest to your partner as much as you possibly can. Trusting your partner is very important because when you doubt them you won’t be able to love them as much as you would. Because most of the time you will be doubting them instead of thinking of how you can show them your love.

When you trust them they will trust you back and pay you with faithfulness. Be honest with what you feel and think about them, in return they will be honest with you!

According to Doctor Sternberg a psychologist points out three components of love which are; passion, intimacy and commitment. You must have those components to know that you love the person. Better have a long term commitment that “I choose to remain with this person no matter what”.

Remember: none of these are possible without mutual respect and understanding. Before you try to do any of these make sure you respect and understand your partner and vice versa.

Love is a choice, choose wisely.

What are your tips? Let’s talk in the comment below.

JS 🙂

Relationships

Don’t let the “I am too busy” get into your relationships

July 11, 2017
busy

It is funny how busy everyone is these days! Yes, we will all agree that the world is really busy and everyone is trying to catch up with the pace and forgetting all those that matter in our lives!

A person takes off to work at 7am and gets back around 8pm if not 10pm! The whole day spends behind his/her desk with full of files piled up on the desk, (or on the field, or wherever you work) well for that matter we would say at least this person has an excuse to make when he/she doesn’t check on to those who care for them!

But well, who would keep up with your excuses of having a lot to do in your life to the point that you can’t dedicate even a single minute to someone that you claim to love? They say if a person really loves you then they will make time for you!
“…. “too busy” is a myth…people make time for things that are too important to them”.

You don’t have time for social life at all; all you know is your job or your projects! And you think that’s all you need in life? Well, sorry to disappoint you, but you are very wrong! What is the point of working really hard and not having time to celebrate it with those who matter to you? I don’t really see the point here.

A lot is happening to our relationships and we keep wondering where we did wrong? Why is this happening? Marriages are ending, the boyfriend and girlfriend relations are the worst (this is not the only reason, but it is one of them) you can’t even remember the last time you met your boyfriend for dinner…and if you are married then you can’t recall the last time you two had a date!

And if you are blessed with kids, all that your kids know is mom is at work, dad went for business trip. He spends his time with the baby sitter and you expect that child to have a good relationship with you? I don’t think so!

You don’t spend quality time together, he has a lot to tell you but you are not there. In the end you don’t understand the character of child and you are wondering what you did wrong? I will tell you, you never had time for him!

The best expression of love is time, be there! Be there for your children, be there for your husband/wife; be there for your parents, be there for your spouse, be there for your friends and most important be there for yourself!

Remember time is the best gift you can offer the people that you love (you included)!

Relationships are what make us, we need people in our lives! Tell them you love and care about them before it is too late to express it.

busy

Tomorrow is never promised to anyone, work hard for yourself but don’t forget your relationships, they are important too!

I personally think it is about time we rethink our priorities in our lives and make sound decisions not just for the sake of now, let us consider the future as well in our decisions! Besides, nobody is ever too busy, it is a matter of priorities.

Don’t be that person with only one excuse for everything he couldn’t do! The “I have been too busy excuse”! It’s not bad to be busy, but what are you doing with your “am too busy”?

Relationships

Mahusiano ni kama maisha, kuna kupanda na kushuka

June 22, 2017
self love - Mahusiano ni kama maisha, kuna kupanda na kushuka

Kuna wakati mwingine mahusiano yanakuwa hayaendi sawa, yanapoteza muelekeo! Hujui ni wapi yanaelekea na ni nini ufanye. Hujui wapi umekosea unajiuliza lakini majibu hupati. Unaishia kulia na kulalamika!

Unapoendelea kujiuliza nini kimetokea wakati dakika chache zilizopita mlikuwa mkicheka na kufurahi kwa pamoja mkiambiana ni kwa jinsi gani mnapendana na mtaishi milele kwa furaha. Haya yote hutokea katika mahusiano ya aina yote. Sijaishi katika maisha ya ndoa lakini naamini mambo kama haya hutokea sana.

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Relationships

I fell in love with myself and happiness found me

June 20, 2017
self love, self acceptance, happiness

I am not the first and I won’t be the last to struggle when it comes to finding happiness, trust me everybody does! I know some might not agree with me just because they are not aware of how much they struggle to find happiness for themselves in this life!

Some of us don’t even know what happiness is that’s why we keep on searching and the funny thing is in every second we try to search for it, we search in all the wrong places we can find! These places or things blind us enough to think we are happy and then in a while we find ourselves dissatisfied and then the search begins again!

We always think we will find happiness if we have enough money to spend, if we have enough clothes in our closets or if we live in a big house! Or sometimes we think we can find happiness in our careers or other things or anything we can think of! Then the reality hit us very bad and we realize those things that we thought could make us happy never did because you find yourself in square one, trying to figure out what could make you happy!
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