Relationships

Relationships

Fall in Love With Yourself and Let Happiness Find You

October 30, 2017
happiness

Fall in Love With Yourself and Let Happiness Find You.

Hey dearies, 🙂 How are you today? I hope you had a very good weekend and you are ready to rock your week because I am 🙂 Do you love yourself?

You are not the first one, I am not the first and we won’t be the last to struggle when it comes to finding happiness, trust me everybody does! I know some might not agree with me just because they are not aware of how much they struggle to find it for themselves in this life!

Some of us don’t even know what happiness is that’s why we keep on searching and the funny thing is, in every second we try to search for it, we search in all the wrong places. These places or things blind us enough to think we are happy and then in a while we find ourselves dissatisfied and then the search begins again!

happiness

Did you spot that book “Men are from Mars, Women are from Venus”? Yes, a review will come soon 🙂 😉

We always think we will find happiness if we have enough money to spend, if we have enough clothes in our closets or if we live in a big house! Or sometimes we think we can find happiness in our careers or other things or anything we can think of! Then the reality hit us badly and we realize those things that we thought could make us happy never did because you find yourself in square one, again, trying to figure out what could make you happy!

But the worst of all, we think we can find happiness in a ‘relationship’! Who said you will find your happiness from someone else? Why can’t we stop lying to ourselves and just accept the plain truth that no matter how much we look for happiness from things and people we will never find it?

That happiness we all look for every day, every second is in us! We are responsible for our own happiness! No matter how much we try, nobody can ever change this fact! Not even all that money you have in your bank account, not even that husband or wife you claim to love so much! That mansion you have can’t make you happy either but only one person ‘you’ that’s the person capable of making you happy!

Knowing all these should give you courage enough to believe that to be happy you have to be ready to be happy! neither of those things, that person will make you happy if you are not ready to be happy.

Let’s be honest with ourselves, if you love yourself enough to embrace who you are and be happy with whatever and whoever you are, then that is where you’ll find your happiness! Nobody knows you better than you do…your flaws, strength, and weakness! Accept yourself fully and love yourself unconditionally… Let go, stop resisting things and learn how to accept them as they come and free your soul to enjoy and explore new things, appreciate nature and be happy that you are part of it!

happiness

Only when you fall in love with yourself that’s when you will find happiness in everything that comes in your life… money, relationships, family, career or anything for that matter! You will find it everywhere because it walks with you, it is within you.

Dalai Lama once said

Human happiness and satisfaction must ultimately come from within oneself” and happiness is determined by one’s state of mind than external events.

You are fearfully wonderfully made, fall in love with yourself, embrace who you are and let happiness find you. You owe that much to yourself!

Until next time,

Jane 🙂

Relationships

When They Have a Change of Heart

October 21, 2017
change of heart

Hey loves 🙂 howdy?

So, a few years back someone had a change of heart on me, well, maybe not someone maybe it was someones. And maybe I had a change of heart to some people along the way too.

We all have a change of heart sometimes, we lose friends, we lose people we thought we loved and you can be ok with all these. But it gets tricky when you are emotionally invested…it hurts so bad! 🙁

So, when that someone had a change of heart I was frustrated, I seriously was. Yes, I was emotionally invested! I turned into a crybaby. I couldn’t take it, I felt betrayed, like what are you talking about? It left me with a lot of “what the efs??” What do you mean you have lost interest??

Not like I wasn’t aware that hearts could change sometimes because I should know they do, I am an expert at changing my heart from time to time like for my shoes, flowers I liked, things I liked to do, movies I thought I liked or food I once was deeply in love with.

But you see, when someone else changes their hearts on you, it gives you some sort of rhetorical questions. The list may start from the time you open your eyes in the morning assuming you managed to get some sleep the night before (I am trying to be optimistic). Questions go like; So, I wasn’t good enough for him/her? S/he didn’t love me after all?? Was I his/her rebound?? So, all the good moments we had together meant nothing to him/her?? All the promises and plans were all lies?

These questions don’t stop; they will keep floating your mind all day long! What about the tears? Ooh, don’t let me get started with that! They will wet your eyes whenever they see you are alone (at least they respect you when other people are around, otherwise it could have been worse)!

change of heart

Trust me. Sometimes you even ask yourself “why am I crying”? You cry so much that you forget why the hell you were crying in the first place so you stop for a couple of minutes and then it hit you again “s/he had a change of heart on me” then you remember your why then the crying starts again! Yup, that bad!

But we forget one thing the heart can change sometimes, or many times, we are talking about heart here, remember?! It has no time to think, ask some tough questions… all it does is to want what it wants and it might kill you sometimes if you let it be on its own without featuring your brain into her decisions!

Just like you accept it when your heart changes throughout your life about your wants, hobbies, friends, that person you thought you loved more than anything and everything else and that’s how you should accept it when people change their hearts on you.

People may change and leave, accept the change of their hearts, embrace it. Life is still beautiful and the sky still exists, the sun still rises from East and sets West.

Everything will stay the same or better, the only difference is that they will not be there to witness the beauty of life without them in it.

It is not about you, it is about them! And maybe it is about you. But People come and go they will leave you alone whenever they decide to leave and that’s okay. You will always be on your own with your soul and your God.

life

There is someone who will come and decide they want to stay forever (I hope forever does exist, really do). They will choose to be there with you, they will choose to love you for who you are, they will be there to hold your hand and tell you it is going to be okay.

They will value and respect you enough, to be honest with you, they will choose to love you every day and they will feel lucky to have you. They will walk with you through hard times they won’t run when things get tough. After all, everything we do is a choice and love is no different!

And when that happens, be sure to be present, let go of your past, be happy, and love like you have never been hurt. Cherish that person, make new memories together and enjoy the beauty of life.

change of heart

Until then, love yourself enough to believe that you are good enough and you will always be, be happy, treat yourself well, smile and live. Find some goods in the goodbye. It might be the best thing ever happened to you!

Just remember that everybody has a somebody out there, you just have to believe!

Until next time,

Jane 🙂

Relationships

What Comes to my Mind when I Think of Marriage

August 21, 2017
marriage

Well, I see everyday people get married, they seem happy really happy and I get excited for them… I think of how happy they are and I smile because it feels great, I mean this whole thing of marriage just excites me to the extent of praying for every newly wedded couple and wish my best to them.

At this point, my mind thinks of every happy thing for the two couple who now become one person! I mean imagine this possibility of two people becoming one, for better or worse, for health and for sickness…together till death do us apart! If this doesn’t excite you perhaps you should think again!

Imagine two different individuals, from different background and different culture, well sometimes different beliefs living under the same roof! This has to be one of the toughest decisions there is, but worth it.

Leaving your family behind and starting to build a whole new family with a total stranger, whom you have known for maybe a year or 2, five sometimes or 10 and in some cases 6 months! It is such a noble thing if you think about it.

Remember your sister or brother whom you have known your whole life and you couldn’t put up with sometimes, s/he drove you crazy at some point and you thought of all possible bad things you could do to them but in the end you couldn’t do it because you love them too much and they make life all much better.

marriage

I think like your family, your sister and your brother, your mother, and your father… how you put up with their flaws and how they put up with yours (you can’t say you are any perfect) it will be the same with your other half (maybe a little different) but both of you will have to learn how to accept each other, love each other, celebrate the similarities you both have and of course respect the differences, after all these are what make all of us who we are!

As noble as this institution sounds, there are things you should really take into consideration before you decide to sign up for it!

Choosing the perfect imperfect person for you is quite important of all; choose the wrong person you are definitely going to end up in hell. Or if you sign up for this institution for the wrong reasons, you will end up at the same destination, hell!

Ask yourself, what are your reasons to want to be part of this institution, are they strong enough to help you create a beautiful and a happy family? Are you happy enough to share it with someone else? Do you love yourself enough to love another person for the rest of your life? Are you ready to build something greater than yourself?

Marriage is a beautiful thing, waking up with the same person every morning, loving the same person over and over; growing together, building a beautiful future together, annoy the same person as many times as possible and still find ways to have fun with them, who wouldn’t want this?

Do you want a long lasting relationship? read here. 🙂

It is only in the marriage where you can be who you are without being worried about what that person will think of you, in this institution you won’t have to hide your flaws or imperfections and pretend to be somebody you are not, you won’t be judged! After all isn’t this what you both signed up for? For better or for worse?

marriage

Remember your vows; to love each other, respect each other, encourage each other, comfort each other, accept each other, understand and listen, help each other grow to better people and most importantly learn how to truly forgive and forget.

Marriage gives you a chance to be many things at the same time! You can be childish at some point, sometimes you are that stubborn teenager, other times you are that total responsible adult! You are a mother, father, a friend, a daughter, a son; well you are many things in one person!

So, what comes to my mind when I think of marriage, you ask? Well, many things come to my mind, but most times come; love, happiness, forgiveness, understanding, listening, presence and togetherness.

When I think of marriage, I think of two brave people who have decided to choose to love one person every single day, to forgive, to comfort and to build a family with love.

Marriage is a gift to grow and create!

JS 🙂

Relationships

Long lasting Relationship | My Two Tips

July 14, 2017
relationship

Hey loves, thank you for joining me on this talk today…. 🙂 How you all doing? Without any further due, get a seat and let’s get started… (Clearing my throat)

So, there have been a lot of articles, programs, movies talking about relationships! It may either be friendship, family, working relationship or intimacy relationships, just to mention a few.

Well, forget about those other relationships let’s focus on the intimacy relationship, (yap, you guessed right). This is the most challenging one comparing to other relationships. Love is one among the basic need of human being, every human needs to feel affection and belongingness.

There are many breakups and divorces today comparing to thirty years ago, hell, even five years ago! I think this generation has forgotten the importance of amending the broken things. Throwing it or giving up is not an option if you want something to work! (Correct me if am long)

Nobody is perfect, not even you! So, with my little experience on the topic, (read more of the similar topic here) I found the following to be quite useful:

Communication
Communication is the most important thing to consider in having a long lasting relationship. I can’t stress enough the importance of this!

People in relationships don’t usually say what they mean and don’t mean what they say! You have to learn how to communicate your needs politely and straight to the point. I know can be pretty hard for women (me, at least).

I struggled so much to mean what I say especially when I don’t like something, I learned it the hard way. Whenever I was angry my answer to everything was “ok” and nothing seemed to work my way with that habit.

Tell you what now I have changed how I communicate my feelings and everything else, I am honesty and open with what I feel, what I like/dislike and the like. I will admit things seem to work fine now.
It is not possible that everything done by your partner will please you! (Unless s/he is an angel) There are probably things you don’t like from your partner.

It is not about keeping them inside hoping he/she is going to stop them! Instead find better time and place to talk about it.

Talk to him/her calmly and she/he will understand and stop them. And also don’t hide things from your partner; be open to everything that you are doing. Don’t do things behind your partner that will hurt him or her probably he/she will not forgive you.

relationship

Trust and honest
Relationship is about being trustworthy and honest to your partner as much as you possibly can. Trusting your partner is very important because when you doubt them you won’t be able to love them as much as you would. Because most of the time you will be doubting them instead of thinking of how you can show them your love.

When you trust them they will trust you back and pay you with faithfulness. Be honest with what you feel and think about them, in return they will be honest with you!

According to Doctor Sternberg a psychologist points out three components of love which are; passion, intimacy and commitment. You must have those components to know that you love the person. Better have a long term commitment that “I choose to remain with this person no matter what”.

Remember: none of these are possible without mutual respect and understanding. Before you try to do any of these make sure you respect and understand your partner and vice versa.

Love is a choice, choose wisely.

What are your tips? Let’s talk in the comment below.

JS 🙂

Relationships

Don’t let the “I am too busy” get into your relationships

July 11, 2017
busy

It is funny how busy everyone is these days! Yes, we will all agree that the world is really busy and everyone is trying to catch up with the pace and forgetting all those that matter in our lives!

A person takes off to work at 7am and gets back around 8pm if not 10pm! The whole day spends behind his/her desk with full of files piled up on the desk, (or on the field, or wherever you work) well for that matter we would say at least this person has an excuse to make when he/she doesn’t check on to those who care for them!

But well, who would keep up with your excuses of having a lot to do in your life to the point that you can’t dedicate even a single minute to someone that you claim to love? They say if a person really loves you then they will make time for you!
“…. “too busy” is a myth…people make time for things that are too important to them”.

You don’t have time for social life at all; all you know is your job or your projects! And you think that’s all you need in life? Well, sorry to disappoint you, but you are very wrong! What is the point of working really hard and not having time to celebrate it with those who matter to you? I don’t really see the point here.

A lot is happening to our relationships and we keep wondering where we did wrong? Why is this happening? Marriages are ending, the boyfriend and girlfriend relations are the worst (this is not the only reason, but it is one of them) you can’t even remember the last time you met your boyfriend for dinner…and if you are married then you can’t recall the last time you two had a date!

And if you are blessed with kids, all that your kids know is mom is at work, dad went for business trip. He spends his time with the baby sitter and you expect that child to have a good relationship with you? I don’t think so!

You don’t spend quality time together, he has a lot to tell you but you are not there. In the end you don’t understand the character of child and you are wondering what you did wrong? I will tell you, you never had time for him!

The best expression of love is time, be there! Be there for your children, be there for your husband/wife; be there for your parents, be there for your spouse, be there for your friends and most important be there for yourself!

Remember time is the best gift you can offer the people that you love (you included)!

Relationships are what make us, we need people in our lives! Tell them you love and care about them before it is too late to express it.

busy

Tomorrow is never promised to anyone, work hard for yourself but don’t forget your relationships, they are important too!

I personally think it is about time we rethink our priorities in our lives and make sound decisions not just for the sake of now, let us consider the future as well in our decisions! Besides, nobody is ever too busy, it is a matter of priorities.

Don’t be that person with only one excuse for everything he couldn’t do! The “I have been too busy excuse”! It’s not bad to be busy, but what are you doing with your “am too busy”?

Relationships

Mahusiano ni kama maisha, kuna kupanda na kushuka

June 22, 2017
self love - Mahusiano ni kama maisha, kuna kupanda na kushuka

Kuna wakati mwingine mahusiano yanakuwa hayaendi sawa, yanapoteza muelekeo! Hujui ni wapi yanaelekea na ni nini ufanye. Hujui wapi umekosea unajiuliza lakini majibu hupati. Unaishia kulia na kulalamika!

Unapoendelea kujiuliza nini kimetokea wakati dakika chache zilizopita mlikuwa mkicheka na kufurahi kwa pamoja mkiambiana ni kwa jinsi gani mnapendana na mtaishi milele kwa furaha. Haya yote hutokea katika mahusiano ya aina yote. Sijaishi katika maisha ya ndoa lakini naamini mambo kama haya hutokea sana.

{Continue Reading}